
βHiya, could I get a decaf latte with oat milk, please?β
βSure. Would you like our medium roast or dark roast?β
βIβll have the medium roast please.β
βAnd would you like regular or organic oat milk?β
βIβll go for organic.β
βSure. And is that hot or iced?β
βHot!β
βRegular or large?β
βLarge.β
βDouble shot or single shot?β
βJust a single shot please.β
βAnd do you take sugar?β
βYes, two sugars.β
βAnd do you want plain sugar, brown sugar, raw sugar, or stevia?β
βGah! I really donβt mind!β¦Brown sugar! Why not!β
βAnd would you like that shaken or stirred?β
βHaha!β
ββ¦β
βIs that a joke?β
βItβs not a joke. We can shake it for you if you like. It gives a better creme.β
βOK, sure?β
βAnd is that to have here or to go?β
βTo go.β
βDo you have your own cup or do you need one of ours?β
ββ¦I donβt have my own cup.β
βSo, you need one of ours?β
ββ¦wellβ¦yeahβ¦β
βAnd do you want a paper cup, a plastic cup, or an eco-friendly cup?β
βHonestly I donβt really mind!β
βYou donβt mind using single-use plastics?!β
βIβ¦wellβ¦Iβ¦Iβll go for a paper cup then.β
βAnd would you like your name on your cup?β
ββ¦Whaddaya mean?β
βWell, if your nameβs not on your cup, we wonβt know who to call.β
βRight. Fine. My nameβs Harrison.β
βIs that with one βrβ or two?β
βTwo.β
βAnd is that with two βsβs or one?β
βOne!β
βOK. So, thatβs a large, medium-roast, organic oat latte to-go for Harrison. Will you be paying with cash or with card today?β
βCard please.β
βWill you be using Mastercard or Visa?β
βCan I use AMEX?β
βIβm afraid we donβt accept AMEX.β
βLetβs do Mastercard then.β
βOK. And do you have a loyalty membership with us?β
βNo.β
βWould you like one?
βNo.β
βYou get ten percent off all purchases and complimentary cookies on Thursdays?β
βNo, I just want a coffee.β
βSure. And would you like to receive our free Grinders Guild newsletter by email, or by post, with special offers on seasonal favourites and relevant industry scoops?β
βNo absolutely not.β
βAnd do you have any vouchers or existing loyalty points that youβd like to redeem as part of this purchase?β
βNo!β
βEven if you think theyβve expired?β
βNo!β
βWould you like to add a tip?β
βNot at this point!β
βAnd would you like to make a small but significant contribution to our charity partner by rounding-up your bill today?β
βNo! I donβt want anything else! I just want my coffee! Iβm late!β
βI understand, sir. But to process the payment, I do need to know if youβd like to offset the carbon footprint of your purchase by adopting an endangered animal from the list which includes, but is not limited to, a panda, a penguin, or a sea turtle.β
βYouβve gotta be kidding me!β
βI take it thatβs a no, then, sir?β
βYES!β
βYou do?β
βNO! I DONβT!β
βOK. No problem. The card machineβs ready for you. Do you want to insert, tap, or swipe?β
[Taps]
βOh, Iβm afraid the cardβs been declined, sir.β
βWell. I despair.β
βSorry.β
βCan you give me proof of the declined transaction?β
βOf course. Would you like it printed or emailed to you?β
β¬₯
Here in the US, I hate the credit card tap vs chip vs swipe dance I have to do in front of every POS machine.
This is so true. Too many options, too many choices.
I read about this study where people were asked to choose a chocolate bar. Group A was given 30 bars to choose from; Group B was given 6. Regardless of what they chose, group A was always more dissatisfied.
We need better choices, but we need LESS choices.