Your post beautifully reflected my early adult years. With rare exceptions I was constantly worrying about how I was coming across to people. I know I came across well enough but I also know people found it hard to trust me entirely. They wondered "what's your deal exactly?"
That was the problem. My deal was me and my self-esteem.
I want to say it was easy to make the transition from teenage-esque self-absorbtion and a more compassionate, other-oriented self. It wasn't nor was it especially intentional. It was largely accidental. Well probably not. I think my response was the choice that made all the difference.
As result of realizing I didn't enjoy owning a business AND my dad passing away I lost two "anchors" for the way I defined myself and my response, fortunately, was to begin doing a lot of spiritual practice that helped me realize that, actually, there was a much larger reality and that I actually DID matter.
I began to own at a cellular level that my awkwardness didn't matter that much. In fact, I realized my awkwardness often put people at ease and gave them permission not to feel compelled to be "perfect." And if I could be awkward I could also ask questions which might or might not sound stupid.
Being curious at a child-like level and feeling good about asking questions has opened up a lot of relationships and opportunities for me. I enjoy other people a lot more and they enjoy being with me (which is really nice).
More I could share here but this is quite a bit and it feels complete.
It fits in with a realisation I had a while ago which really helped shift my perspective/helped me with social situations:
Everyone is mainly doing what you're doing, i.e. they're wondering if people like them, what people think of them, that is that they're thinking mainly of themselves, not about you.
I found that an enormously freeing thing to realise and start to truly believe.
this really hits home - the trust equation breakdown is brilliant because it shows how even being super competant means nothing if your just thinking about yourself. I used to prep for networking events by rehearsing what I'd say about myself, but switching to preparing 2-3 questions I genuinly wanted answers to changed everything.
Your post beautifully reflected my early adult years. With rare exceptions I was constantly worrying about how I was coming across to people. I know I came across well enough but I also know people found it hard to trust me entirely. They wondered "what's your deal exactly?"
That was the problem. My deal was me and my self-esteem.
I want to say it was easy to make the transition from teenage-esque self-absorbtion and a more compassionate, other-oriented self. It wasn't nor was it especially intentional. It was largely accidental. Well probably not. I think my response was the choice that made all the difference.
As result of realizing I didn't enjoy owning a business AND my dad passing away I lost two "anchors" for the way I defined myself and my response, fortunately, was to begin doing a lot of spiritual practice that helped me realize that, actually, there was a much larger reality and that I actually DID matter.
I began to own at a cellular level that my awkwardness didn't matter that much. In fact, I realized my awkwardness often put people at ease and gave them permission not to feel compelled to be "perfect." And if I could be awkward I could also ask questions which might or might not sound stupid.
Being curious at a child-like level and feeling good about asking questions has opened up a lot of relationships and opportunities for me. I enjoy other people a lot more and they enjoy being with me (which is really nice).
More I could share here but this is quite a bit and it feels complete.
Thanks Judy!
Love this article, thanks for sharing.
It fits in with a realisation I had a while ago which really helped shift my perspective/helped me with social situations:
Everyone is mainly doing what you're doing, i.e. they're wondering if people like them, what people think of them, that is that they're thinking mainly of themselves, not about you.
I found that an enormously freeing thing to realise and start to truly believe.
Yes, that’s a really good way of looking at it Pea. I’m really glad it resonated with you!
this really hits home - the trust equation breakdown is brilliant because it shows how even being super competant means nothing if your just thinking about yourself. I used to prep for networking events by rehearsing what I'd say about myself, but switching to preparing 2-3 questions I genuinly wanted answers to changed everything.
Roger that. Questions are the real skeleton keys
valuable words, articulating vague thoughts I've had. couldn't agree more.
Thanks Carol, I’m glad you’ve seen the light!