The Hidden Key to Overcoming Indecision
The Hidden Key to Overcoming Indecision
The Law of Polarity in Action
Read time: 5 mins
Hi friends 👋
I've got a treat for you this week.
Some ancient wisdom. More ancient even than Greece and Rome. It's like a fine wine, a secret formula, passed down by the ages.
Last week I told you I was struggling with niching down as a Creator. The voices in my head go back-and-forth between:
"Harrison, you've gone from construction to being an artist and then building a tech business, that's a very specific and saleable set of skills,"
and,
"But you're too much of a generalist, you don't have deep enough knowledge to carve out a unique offer as a Creator."
This internal dialogue has not been helpful.
Let me be vulnerable for a sec. The reasons finding my niche is so hard are as follows:
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I'm scared of failing: My business didn't work out, I'm still earning less than I was 10 years ago, and interest is being added to my student loan faster than I'm paying it off. I'm getting married and trying for a family soon. There has never been more at stake.
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Lack of specialist knowledge: I've tended to gravitate towards project-based work and wearing many hats. It feels practically impossible for me to give you one skill or insight I could build a unique offer around.
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Limiting my opportunities: For someone who thrives on freedom and autonomy, there aren't many things more scary than putting myself in a box.
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Change of interests: Related to the previous point, I'm hungry for variety in my work and I'm not vibing with the idea of a long-term commitment to one project.
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Decision paralysis: I'm like a kid in a sweetshop, enchanted by all the options but rooted to the spot by indecision.
I'm in a waiting room and I know that once I go through the door, I can't come back.
But who wants to be stuck in a waiting room?
The greatest thing about committing to something specific is the thrill of laser-like focus and unshackled momentum. Once you commit:
Creative faculties coalesce
Existential worries evaporate
A thousand decisions dissolve
You have a much bigger chance of succeeding, too. The problems you need to solve reveal themselves sequentially and invite you forward. People sit up and pay you their attention (attention is the new oil). You know just what to say, how to say it and who to say it to. And most importantly, you know when you're off-course.
Yesterday I made a breakthrough. I learned something new that has helped me face my fear of committing, and the creative floodgates are now flung open.
I want to share that special "something" with you now
A Creator I'm following shared a post referencing “Hermetic Philosophy,” which I'd never heard of before. One of its seven philosophical principles is the Law of Polarity. You know, the idea that everything in the universe has two opposing sides, or poles, like hot and cold, light and dark, up and down, and so on?
And that things are not just black or white, good or bad, but exist on a spectrum with many shades of grey in between.
The post stood out to me because I suspected it could apply to my struggle to carve out a niche.
I did more digging and came across a book called Polarity Management by Barry Johnson. He argues that people struggle with polarities because they’re seen as either/or choices. This leads to conflict, dithering and missed opportunity.
Johnson offers a strategy for understanding the value of both sides of a polarity, and finding ways to manage and integrate them so you can be more decisive and basically chill the f**k out.
He provides a diagram (known as a Paradox Map) to guide you. I tried applying it to my niching down struggle… and it literally blew my mind.
Let me show you what paradox mapping is and why everyone needs to know it…
A Paradox Map can illustrate what's good and bad about being a generalist AND what's good and bad about being a specialist.
Currently, I'm stuck in the bottom-left quadrant feeling the insecurity and insignificance of a generalist. Look see…
To break out of this, I need to specialise in something so that I can move to the top-right quadrant and feel more accomplished, confident and significant.
The writing's on the wall, then.
As hard as it is, I’ve got to choose a niche.
I could do this in a number of ways: by choosing a specific problem to solve, a specific skill to learn, a specific group of people to help, or some combination of these. Specificity is the key if I want to move forward.
But that's not all.
In a polarity paradox like this, I won't get to bask in my niche glory forever. That's not how paradoxes work. At some point in the not-so-distant future, that accomplishment will turn to boredom or confinement. Perhaps my workday will become monotonous. Or I'll face obstacles to growth in my field.
And then?
You guessed it. I'll need to proactively move to the positive side of generalisation, perhaps by broadening my offering or taking on more responsibility or learning new skills or whatever.
Then as that challenge builds, the increased versatility will gradually become insecurity as I spread myself too thin and end up feeling unqualified and untethered, like I do today.
Until the need to niche-down begins the cycle again.
And on it goes forever, like an infinity symbol.
You can make a Paradox Map for pretty much any thorny issue you're facing providing you trace the issue back to its fundamental poles. Think scarcity/abundance, dependence/independence, perfectionism/carelessness. Try them out. It's so enlightening!
The steps are:
Identify the polarities (I've created this list of Prevalent Paradoxes if you want to add to it, let's have fun with this!)
Understand the value of both sides of each polarity
Then find strategies for managing and integrating them
Now that I know choosing my niche is a cyclical manoeuvre rather than a one-time fix – now that I know meaningful work requires "flow" between poles – I can commit, stick my neck out, refuse to be everything to everyone. I can choose the sweets I want to eat today knowing I'll get to choose different sweets tomorrow.
That's a big insight that lifts a lot of pressure!
Now I can get cracking!
So, what have I decided to niche down on right now? You'll have to wait till next time for that. It deserves its own newsletter.
What thorny challenge are you facing? Could paradox mapping help? Let me know if you need a hand putting it together.
See you next time.
– Harrison
Pro tip: Our current position on a Paradox Map shapes how we perceive and respond to ideas. Eg, imagine I'm reading a book and come across an idea that I don't agree with. The reason why the idea doesn't feel right might be because the person who wrote the book was trying to promote a generalised way of thinking when what I need now is a more specialised approach. By being aware of that, I can try and keep an open mind and consider different perspectives, even if they don't meet my current needs. Hence the saying: "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." The lesson is: values, beliefs and ideas we've rejected in the past are worth revisiting as we flow between poles. What ideas have you rejected in the past that might help you today?
Share this ancient wisdom with your friends, family and colleagues. It's older than your great-grandpa's bald spot and just as precious!
Dall•E prompt: An ancient sage hones his skills while he rides around an infinity loop, clay art
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