Over years, this is the single most important metric I use to evaluate people where I want to further social relationships with. There are people who are exceptionally gifted at story telling but very poor at asking questions to know more about me. I tend to withdraw from them over time. I feel like they use the social moments just as a stage, to project themselves, Whereas there are others who are genuinely curious and ask questions that show that they actually listened. Those are the relationships I like to cultivate more.
Thanks Tyagarajan, awesome message! I feel the same. I’m suspicious when I hang out with people and they don’t ask me a single question. I love your way of phrasing it—”social moments used as a stage to project themselves.”
I’d love to know what some of your favourite questions or curiosity strategies are. And I’m also curious to know whether you keep “break up” with projectors, or whether you stay friends with them. Have you ever confronted anybody over it?
The “inverse charisma” frame is really helpful, especially given the rising interest among gen z in “rizz”. Reframing questions that was is valuable. Also couldnt agree more with questions opening possibilities— I like to think of it as expanding the surface area for possible intersections between the other person and you on things you actually care about/could learn/teach each other etc. Enjoyed reading this one!
Yeah I’m not even sure. I just saw the essay title and its really relevant for my work so I clicked. WoP has been amazing. Cant believe how much I’m enjoying writing and how much more confident I feel now vs a few weeks ago
This makes me think of the Eleanor Roosevelt quote, “Learning and living. But they are really the same thing, aren’t they? There is no experience from which you can’t learn something. When you stop learning you stop living in any vital and meaningful sense.”
Curiosity brings us more in touch with our humanity. It brings us to life.
Thanks Kate, dayyym I wish I’d used that quote in the piece. “Learning and living” has a lovely ring to it. Sounds like a Substack name. Or at least an essay name! You should write that piece 😉
Love this post, Harrison! You've nailed it. I love the line you said, "if you can make other people the hero of your story." Every interaction changes when you make this the lens you use. Thanks for sharing this. Excited to keep reading your work!
Over years, this is the single most important metric I use to evaluate people where I want to further social relationships with. There are people who are exceptionally gifted at story telling but very poor at asking questions to know more about me. I tend to withdraw from them over time. I feel like they use the social moments just as a stage, to project themselves, Whereas there are others who are genuinely curious and ask questions that show that they actually listened. Those are the relationships I like to cultivate more.
Thanks Tyagarajan, awesome message! I feel the same. I’m suspicious when I hang out with people and they don’t ask me a single question. I love your way of phrasing it—”social moments used as a stage to project themselves.”
I’d love to know what some of your favourite questions or curiosity strategies are. And I’m also curious to know whether you keep “break up” with projectors, or whether you stay friends with them. Have you ever confronted anybody over it?
The “inverse charisma” frame is really helpful, especially given the rising interest among gen z in “rizz”. Reframing questions that was is valuable. Also couldnt agree more with questions opening possibilities— I like to think of it as expanding the surface area for possible intersections between the other person and you on things you actually care about/could learn/teach each other etc. Enjoyed reading this one!
Hey Phil, yeah, inverse charisma stood out to me too like a shiny penny among the rust—it’s such a great phrase.
Thanks also for introducing me to “rizz.” Those Gen Zers move so quickly!
Curious how you found the post. On Substack Notes? Google?
Hmm well you through Circle, and it just popped up in my Substack app I think
Interesting. I like to think I can understand how substack works. But I really can’t.
How are you finding WOP?
Yeah I’m not even sure. I just saw the essay title and its really relevant for my work so I clicked. WoP has been amazing. Cant believe how much I’m enjoying writing and how much more confident I feel now vs a few weeks ago
You?
This makes me think of the Eleanor Roosevelt quote, “Learning and living. But they are really the same thing, aren’t they? There is no experience from which you can’t learn something. When you stop learning you stop living in any vital and meaningful sense.”
Curiosity brings us more in touch with our humanity. It brings us to life.
Thanks Kate, dayyym I wish I’d used that quote in the piece. “Learning and living” has a lovely ring to it. Sounds like a Substack name. Or at least an essay name! You should write that piece 😉
Love this post, Harrison! You've nailed it. I love the line you said, "if you can make other people the hero of your story." Every interaction changes when you make this the lens you use. Thanks for sharing this. Excited to keep reading your work!