Thread Boi Writing System™

the 5 step guide for modern single line writing

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online writing 101

in a world where attention spans are measured in split seconds

and intellectual flexing has outsmarted diligent thought

the ancient chunk of prose writing:

the paragraph

has become an unnecessary relic

this guide offers five proven principles for embracing its successor

which minimises your readers mental labour

optimises for their dopamine transmitters

and ensures they scroll eagerly for your next hit

its a style built for speed and engineered to outpace discourse

we call this revolutionary approach

the single line style

principle #1: remove all nuance

the modern reader doesnt have time for complexity

the perseverance for paragraphs

or the patience for punctuation

in todays unforgiving attention economy

where essays are skimmed between slack pings and uber eats notifications

your job isnt to expand minds

but to shrink ideas

if it cant be said in one sentence

(preferably in fewer than six words)

then its not worth saying at all

complexity alienates readers

whilst simplicity welcomes them

so dont annoy people with suggestions and implications

or subclauses that make them wonder if they missed a comma

be the writer who makes them feel clever

not confused

principle #2: master the mic drop

the 21st century information diet doesnt have the stomach for subtleties

long explanations and layered arguments are nauseating

instead focus on delivering maximum impact

quickly

now!

with minimal words

as though every sentence must fit on a bumper sticker

as if each phrase is destined for a motivational fridge magnet

when crafting your mic drop sentences follow this golden rule:

if you cant see it being shared instantly across social media then cut it

why tell a story when you can just spit

“one line good two lines bad”

remember that verbosity sabotages virality

so go grab a mic

then drop that mic

and watch your impressions spike with each like

principle #3: pare down your prose

sometimes even the greats make mistakes

they indulge in extravagances that exasperate the postmodern intellect

lets examine a classic example of what *not* to do

annie dillards writing for example (who the hell is annie dillard anyway?)

though admittedly celebrated for its style

serves as a cautionary tale of the dangers of self indulgent naval gazing:

"I am a frayed and nibbled survivor in a fallen world, and I am getting along. I am aging and eaten and have done my share of eating too. I am not washed and beautiful, in control of a shining world in which everything fits, but instead am wandering awed about on a splintered wreck I've come to care for, whose gnawed trees breathe a delicate air, whose bloodied and scarred creatures are my dearest companions, and whose beauty beats and shines not in its imperfections but overwhelmingly in spite of them.”

if you were able to focus all the way through it

no doubt you noticed its many inefficiencies

its writing that forces readers to grapple with layers of metaphor

and sprawling and unwieldy syntax

such density is a barrier to hungry eye balls

a superior rewrite would be “nothing is perfect”

this version respects the readers time

whilst preserving the message

and 10xing your readers sense of productivity per swipe

principle #4: maximise emotional ROI

true success in online writing comes from understanding one thing:

your audience is a bundle of emotions waiting to be tapped

the goal is not to inform or enlighten

its to trigger reactions

so write lines that hit fast and deep:

wonder

pride

desire

relief

what matters is that it sparks something real

and holds their gaze

some may call it virtue signalling

but they're simply clinging to outdated ideas

you are not just a writer

you are a wise and influential messenger

you are the dalai fuckin lama with a killer thread game

principle #5: distract with design

your readers brain is fragile and overworked

since theyre bombarded on all sides by a barrage of carousels and reels

and since youtube keeps pestering them to subscribe to premium

your writing must not ask too much

paragraphs?

anecdotes?

these are too cognitively demanding

better that you stack your thoughts like simple stair treads:

neat

compact

nicely spaced

and built for speed

by distracting them visually

youll keep your reader contented

its not about what your audience learns

its about how effortless it is for them to skim

the reign of the paragraph is over

replaced by the sleek proficiency of the one line wonder

readers need not be burdened by the expectation of nuance

or of coherence of any kind

armed with this futureproof panacea

newsletterists and bloggers can rise

as pioneers of intellectual minimalism

dashing off sentences that stop for nothing

and ushering in a new era of effortless engagement

if you like posts like this, you will like my blog, The New Workday

→ learn how to say more by saying less

→ become the writer who everyone quotes

→ join the elite of simplified thought leadership

become part of a rapidly growing community of writers in the know:

Just in case you’re reading this thinking, “Has Harrison gone mad?!” This is a satirical piece. I did a satire writing course recently with Carlos Greaves and I’ve been enjoying this new form of writing. It lets me vent without venting 😁

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Thank you Alex at Both Are True, Ved at The Strategy Guild, Simon at The Pipe Writer, Claire at Knots, Zeyad at towards a superhuman mind, Rita at Dim Sum Blog, Meryl at Curiosities, Abhilasha at Thriving Habitats, and Malarkodie Selvam for reading drafts of this.

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