Thread Boi Writing System™
the 5 step guide for modern single line writing
online writing 101
in a world where attention spans are measured in split seconds
and intellectual flexing has outsmarted diligent thought
the ancient chunk of prose writing:
the paragraph
has become an unnecessary relic
this guide offers five proven principles for embracing its successor
which minimises your readers mental labour
optimises for their dopamine transmitters
and ensures they scroll eagerly for your next hit
its a style built for speed and engineered to outpace discourse
we call this revolutionary approach
the single line style
principle #1: remove all nuance
the modern reader doesnt have time for complexity
the perseverance for paragraphs
or the patience for punctuation
in todays unforgiving attention economy
where essays are skimmed between slack pings and uber eats notifications
your job isnt to expand minds
but to shrink ideas
if it cant be said in one sentence
(preferably in fewer than six words)
then its not worth saying at all
complexity alienates readers
whilst simplicity welcomes them
so dont annoy people with suggestions and implications
or subclauses that make them wonder if they missed a comma
be the writer who makes them feel clever
not confused
principle #2: master the mic drop
the 21st century information diet doesnt have the stomach for subtleties
long explanations and layered arguments are nauseating
instead focus on delivering maximum impact
quickly
now!
with minimal words
as though every sentence must fit on a bumper sticker
as if each phrase is destined for a motivational fridge magnet
when crafting your mic drop sentences follow this golden rule:
if you cant see it being shared instantly across social media then cut it
why tell a story when you can just spit
“one line good two lines bad”
remember that verbosity sabotages virality
so go grab a mic
then drop that mic
and watch your impressions spike with each like
principle #3: pare down your prose
sometimes even the greats make mistakes
they indulge in extravagances that exasperate the postmodern intellect
lets examine a classic example of what *not* to do
annie dillards writing for example (who the hell is annie dillard anyway?)
though admittedly celebrated for its style
serves as a cautionary tale of the dangers of self indulgent naval gazing:
"I am a frayed and nibbled survivor in a fallen world, and I am getting along. I am aging and eaten and have done my share of eating too. I am not washed and beautiful, in control of a shining world in which everything fits, but instead am wandering awed about on a splintered wreck I've come to care for, whose gnawed trees breathe a delicate air, whose bloodied and scarred creatures are my dearest companions, and whose beauty beats and shines not in its imperfections but overwhelmingly in spite of them.”
if you were able to focus all the way through it
no doubt you noticed its many inefficiencies
its writing that forces readers to grapple with layers of metaphor
and sprawling and unwieldy syntax
such density is a barrier to hungry eye balls
a superior rewrite would be “nothing is perfect”
this version respects the readers time
whilst preserving the message
and 10xing your readers sense of productivity per swipe
principle #4: maximise emotional ROI
true success in online writing comes from understanding one thing:
your audience is a bundle of emotions waiting to be tapped
the goal is not to inform or enlighten
its to trigger reactions
so write lines that hit fast and deep:
wonder
pride
desire
relief
what matters is that it sparks something real
and holds their gaze
some may call it virtue signalling
but they're simply clinging to outdated ideas
you are not just a writer
you are a wise and influential messenger
you are the dalai fuckin lama with a killer thread game
principle #5: distract with design
your readers brain is fragile and overworked
since theyre bombarded on all sides by a barrage of carousels and reels
and since youtube keeps pestering them to subscribe to premium
your writing must not ask too much
paragraphs?
anecdotes?
these are too cognitively demanding
better that you stack your thoughts like simple stair treads:
neat
compact
nicely spaced
and built for speed
by distracting them visually
youll keep your reader contented
its not about what your audience learns
its about how effortless it is for them to skim
the reign of the paragraph is over
replaced by the sleek proficiency of the one line wonder
readers need not be burdened by the expectation of nuance
or of coherence of any kind
armed with this futureproof panacea
newsletterists and bloggers can rise
as pioneers of intellectual minimalism
dashing off sentences that stop for nothing
and ushering in a new era of effortless engagement
if you like posts like this, you will like my blog, The New Workday
→ learn how to say more by saying less
→ become the writer who everyone quotes
→ join the elite of simplified thought leadership
become part of a rapidly growing community of writers in the know:
Just in case you’re reading this thinking, “Has Harrison gone mad?!” This is a satirical piece. I did a satire writing course recently with and I’ve been enjoying this new form of writing. It lets me vent without venting 😁
Thank you Alex at , Ved at , Simon at , Claire at , Zeyad at , Rita at , Meryl at , Abhilasha at , and Malarkodie Selvam for reading drafts of this.
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i
love
it
*insert comment from pod about game changing digital landscapes*
Epic piece, Harrison. Loved it when I first read it, even more so now.
Glad the arrows made it in. Hope this is going on LinkedIn…