Whispering Cities
What Does Your Home Say About Your Ambitions?
One of my favourite writers is Paul Graham. Me and Corina recently read his essay Cities and Ambition, and it inspired us to think differently about where we want to live when we put down roots again. Graham says that if you spend enough time in cities, they start to whisper what they want from you.
“No matter how determined you are, it's hard not to be influenced by the people around you. It's not so much that you do whatever a city expects of you, but that you get discouraged when no one around you cares about the same things you do.”
He gives examples:
😎 London wants you to be more hip
🎨 Paris wants you to be more stylish
💰 New York wants you to make more money
💡 Washington DC wants you to be more powerful
It’s an intriguing idea, and I don’t necessarily think it relates only to big, capital cities. For example, when I think about what my hometown, Sheffield, whispers to people, I think it’s something like: be more authentic.
I was recently in Ibiza during the winter off-season to see if the parties really do continue all year round (they do) and I think Ibiza wants you to be more abundant. Abundant with money, yes, but also with health, energy, and love.
Graham’s essay was a nudge for me and Corina to think more critically about which ambitions appeal most to us and thus where we eventually want to live.
And given that we’re travelling for the next 2-3 years, it gives us an ideal time to go “test” some of those places out.
The complete list of messages Graham has picked up from cities so far is:
Style
Fame
Wealth
Hipness
Intelligence
Social class
Quality of life
Political power
Economic power
Physical attractiveness
Whilst it’s not a pretty list, a couple of them did resonate with us, and we wanted to understand why.
We came up with some questions designed to investigate our generalised ambitions in greater detail. Questions included:
What activities make you the happiest?
Who do you admire the most in life and why?
If you only had a year to live, what work would you do?
What have you always dreamed of doing, being and achieving?
What were you doing the last time that you “lost yourself” in a task?
After working independently and then coming together to share, Corina emerged with her three main ambitions: intelligence, quality of life, and style.
I also landed on intelligence and quality of life, but differed on the third one: wealth.
To summarise, we want to live in a stylish place with a warm climate, healthy food and intelligent people who are creative and like coming up with new ideas.
Not only has this exercise helped us understand what we’re looking for in a place, but it’s also helped us understand one another’s dreams.
John and Julie Gottman, world-renowned relationship experts who have been studying couples for over four decades (their research has been cited in over 3000 scientific papers), say the number one thing couples should do to strengthen their bond and increase the odds of staying together is support each other’s dreams.
By taking the time to reflect on our ambitions and expectations, we can make more informed decisions about where we want to live, and then build the life we want. And by sharing these reflections with each other, we can strengthen our relationships and create a shared vision for our future.
I’m interested to know: What messages do you think your current city or town whispers to you? Are these messages in line with your personal ambitions and values?
Hit reply and let me know!
I’ll see you next time.
– Harrison
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